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To her, she speculated, chewing purposefully on the edge of her eraser, it did matter what one said or did at any given moment. It might not seem to others that being intentional or honest right off the bat with a person would be the preferable or safe way to go, but... it had to be the way, right?
She tucked her hair annoyedly behind her ear and sighed, turning to face the back "yard", which wasn't a yard at all but really a series of parking spaces and other people's backyards. Legitimate backyards. Even a Slip-N-Slide was out in the open, with an inflatable shark.
Must be nice...
Though, the shark seemed to be drooping a little...
Hm... small comfort...
Turning back to the paper she hunkered down again over this concept. It didn't seem fair that in a lot of ways she had a lot of friends. There was no shortage of people in her life, she could attest to that, even view it as a positive fact, but every now and again would pop up a stranger who, once she met them, would resonate with the core of her spirit. She couldn't put her finger on it, but there was an element in these meetings with these rare and random people that simply could not be recreated.
And that was frustrating.
It was a fact, she realized, absently stroking her shoulder, that you can't make people do anything. And perhaps these people who you're connecting with just happen to connect that way with everyone else they come into contact with.
So, the real question would be, why you?
Why would YOU, of all the billions and trillioins of people they know, be so worth their time and effort to invest in?
And you just want them to know, like you know, how interesting and rare this connection is, and....
well... isn't it special to you too?
This last part she said out loud, mostly wanting to hear the words themselves, adding their realism to this dream-like theory. She said it because she wanted to hear it said to her, and this was the closest she could get to that at the present moment.
Because you can't make it.
She knew, she nodded her head for a moment and lowered herself to sit on the carpeting in the living room.
Legs all sprawled out, arms all the way back, feeling like she could just melt and disappear into that carpet. And wouldn't that be nice for a change? Just a bit of berber... not filling any higher purpose except to be a shred of a brainless community, made to serve as footing (somewhat comfortable, but not too inviting), not to think.
She wanted to watch a movie.
A nice '80's movie, with an easy yet strange plotline, fun and lively characters, quirky relationships.
Something that was just enough out of the realm of reality to believe in it, though still talking about good and relevant things.
Yes.
She smiled, and started listing the possible movies in her head, toeing the velour ottoman.
Hopefully at some point, people would just start trying more to make their connections worthwhile and lasting,
and no one would have to worry about "ruining" anything...
because, really, she decided, you can't ruin anything that wasn't real in the first place...
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SPEECH
sugared peaches
eagerly enveloped
conditional harvest...
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"One question: do you need... someone, or do you need me?..."
-Lloyd Dobler
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